ABC & D of Nurturing Your Kids

This Summer I went with my daughter Liesl and her family to Mt Hermon. While the kids all were having a blast with their counselors, we adults heard lectures. This one resonated with me and I wanted to share it with you.

There is a challenge of keeping the many areas of our kids' lives on the radar screen so that we can help guide them into becoming healthy adults in every possible way. Here is an easy way to remember the ABC & D approach to nurturing your kids.

A. Affirmation

An affirmed child is a secure and confident child. Most often, the difference between kids who make it and kids who don't is one caring adult. Even if you struggle with your teenager, believe in them! Most teens suffer from low self-esteem, and I almost always see this in cases where teens struggle with their parents. Kids with low self-esteem tend to become irresponsible. They make poor decisions socially, in regards to drugs and sexuality, and academically. Parents can make a huge difference in helping their teens to become responsible by affirming them, praising them and believing (even in the midst of struggle) in the person they can become.

B. Blameless Love

Kids are going to mess up at times--it's part of their 'job' description. When they do, they don't need to be condemned by their parents. Rather, they need to know they'll be loved and accepted (although they'll have to live with the consequences of their actions, of course!).

C. Connectedness

Kids need to feel connected to their parents. Your children regard your presence as a sign of caring and connectedness (even when they don't seem to do so!). You don't have to be present with your kids 24/7, but your presence gives them a greater sense of security than almost anything else you can offer them.

D. Discipline

Clearly expressed expectations and consistent follow-through produce responsible kids. The purpose of parental discipline is to teach responsibility. Unfortunately, for many of us parents, our primary objective is evoking obedience instead. And, to be perfectly honest, most of us try to do the "discipline thing" when we're upset, tired or frustrated....really in no shape to do so. Okay--where do we start? For one thing, recognize that good parenting involves training our children in the areas of choices and consequences. Keep that promise in mind when you are sticking to your strategy and you won't be disappointed.

When it comes to molding your childrens' lives through discipline, our kids need us always to show respect, even in the midst of tension. We can disagree with our children and still be able to communicate.

~~Jim Burns Ph.D~~

Swimming Aids Asthma Symtoms In Children, Study Finds

Research has shown that swimming aids asthma in children. The activity has been proven to be an effective non-pharmacological intervention for children and adolescents according to a study in " Respiration", published by Wiley-Blackwell.

" Unlike other sports, swimming is unlikely to provoke asthma attacks. In addition to improving asthma, swimming promotes normal physical and psychological development, such as increasing lung volume, developing good breathing techniques and improving general fitness, said lead author, Wang Jeng-Shing from the Taipei University.

He added," Not only is swimming an excellent form of exercise for children with asthma, the health benefits reaped continue to be observed for at least a year after the completion of the swimming program."

Wiley-Blackwell ( 2009, August 20 ) " Swimming Aids Asthma Symptoms In Children, Study Finds. Sciencedaily.

Quality Time....For Parents!

Here are several ways of making quality time for the marriage as well as helping children understand that Mom and Dad's relationship is numero uno. Single parents: These apply to you, too!

1. Don't allow children to interrupt your conversations. Make them wait their turn. preferably in another room. Say, "We'll let you know when we are finished talking." A child who simply "can't wait" probably needs five minutes of cool down time in his/her room.

2. Create a weekly "Parents' Night Out" and don't let anything except acts of God
interfere with the commitment. Every now and then, go off for a week end without the kids. They need to realize that the marriage is a separate and autonomous entity within the family with a life and needs of its own.

3. Put the children to bed early. Remember that your children's bedtime is for yor benefit. In other words, determine how much down time you need in the evening during which you have no child-rearing responsibilities and set bedtimes accordingly. Eight is late enough for pre-schoolers, and eight thirty for grade-school age. Older children should be in their rooms no later than nine, particularly on school nights.

Once the kids are in bed, reduce distractions that interfere with communication and intimacy. Agree not to do either housework or office work after the kids' bedtime. Spend this time getting back in touch with the feelings that led to your original commitment. The worst possible and least creative thing you can do is get in the habit of centering your time together in the evenings around television.

From: "The New Parent Power"..Dr John Rosemond

Homework!

When John and I started the swim school in 1979 we were both teaching public school. I had taken many child development classes in college too. So when we decided we would start our swim school, I already had a vision of something very different from anything else I had seen.

I had also carefully watched my three young babies swimming; I could see that other swim programs had "missed the boat" on how children learn. I grew up as a very young child with a swimming pool in the backyard, and four younger siblings that I was often responsible for. This all gave me a lot of strong ideas about children, water and learning.

In addition to the concept of an "aquatic classroom", other regular school institutions seemed to make sense to me. Homework was one of them. Children will repeat over and over a new skill and if it is fun and playful, all the better. I thought it was something parents and children could do together outside our 'classroom' to cement physical skills while enjoying each others company. A win-win scenario for sure!

Often our staff will give a homework suggestion if a child needs a boost. It's important to know that homework should be fun and companionable and any parent can look up homework suggestions on our website. The list includes ideas for each level of ribbon awards.



Some of these ideas can get your own creative juices flowing to make up more silly and fun games to stimulate swim skills. Being 'silly' with your child is a great way of staying young yourself, building bonds with your children.

Please ask deck staff if you don't understand the premise for these homework suggestions or, check in with deck staff if you have questions about your homework prowess. Doing the land exercises is good for your body too and I bet the kids love seeing you participate this way.

Have fun!

Lita-Irene

Cornucopia Kids

It is entirely possible to remain an affluent, achieving parent and avoid raising Cornucopia Kids, but it takes a little know-how. Here are seven of the most commonly encountered parental vulnerabilities that lead to loss of parental power and untimately, the inability to parent effectiviely:

Dynamic #1: Giving as a way to avoid confrontation or rejection.
Dynamic #2: Giving "things" as a substitute for time.
Dynamic #3: Giving as a response to marital conflict.
Dynamic #4: Giving as a compensation for childhood deprivation.
Dynamic #5: Giving to compensate for puritanical parenting.
Dynamic#6: Giving as a response to community image needs.
Dynamic #7: To give is easier than to deny.

Certainly not all kids who grow up in middle-class families will become Cornucopia Kids. In fact, effective parenting , combined with the opportunity afforded by relative affluence can be a very positive effect on childrens' life skills. At all ages, Cornucopia Kids exhibit a pattern of behavior characteristics that together define this very maladaptive style of relating to work, to others and to life in general. Here are ten signs to look for.

Characterisitic #1: Your child demands only the best.
Characterisitic #2: A high need for constant stimulation is present.
Characterisitc #3: There is a consistent pattern of incompletion.
Characterisitc #4: There is a deep need for acceptance by others.
Characterisitc #5: The capacity for compassion is underdeveloped.
Characterisitc #6: A clear contempt for material things.
Characterisitc #7: Self-indulgences and excess are behavior themes.
Characterisitc #8: You see an all-to-easy deceitfulness.
Characterisitc #9: Problems with performance.
Characterisitc #10: There is a strong 'present' orientation.

No matter what their age, now is the time to begin Mastery Motivation in all your children. Healthy parenting values are perhaps the strongest possible way to do that. Here are 10 suggestions to help you instill Mastery Motivation in your children.

Motivator #1: Give your child regular work responsibilities.
Motivator #2: Refrain from giving your child so many 'freebies'.
Motivator #3: Severely limit television viewing, especially any violence.
Motivator #4: Give your child sensitivity training.
Motivator #5: Insist on completion as a personal value.
Motivator #6: Help your child deal adaptively with failure.
Motivator #7: Legitimize personal values over conformity.
Motivator #8: Make your child personally accountable.
Motivator #9: Engage your child in cooperative projects.
Motivator #10: Create clear boundaries for work.

"Character is destiny." As a responsible parent, it is your mandate to instill integrity instead of indulgence; to create character, not conformity; to build motivation rather than materialism; to demand sensitivity in lieu of selfishness. Through that process, you will grow in wisdom and your child will grow in maturity.

Bruce Baldwin, " Giving Children Too Much May be Giving Too Little"

From The National Institutes of Health

Under the direction of the NIH, the National Institute of Child Health and Development, the findings concerning the debate on infant/child swim lessons in their update of March 2, 2009 were announced:

Providing very young children with swimming lessons appears to have a protective effect against drowning and does not increase childrens risk of drowning, reported researchers at the National Institutes of Health.

The researchers state that the findings should ease concerns among health professionals that giving swimming lessons to children from ages 1-4 years might indirectly increase drowning risk by making parents and caregivers less vigilant when children are near bodies of water.

"Swimming lessons are appropriate for consideration as part of a comprehensive drowning prevention strategy," said Duane Alexander, M.D., director of the Eunice Kennedy Shriver Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD), the NIH Institute at which the study was conducted. "Because even the best swimmers can drown, swimming lessons are only one component of a comprehensive drowning prevention strategy that should include pool fencing, adult supervision, and training in cardiopulmonary resuscitation."

The findings appear in the March Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine.



My comments: This is the first extensive study done. One day the researchers may also include the safety factor of "Summer Safety" that many swim schools have in their curriculum. La Petite Baleen was one of the first in the nation to have such a curriculum. Since we have known for decades that a child's brain is developed for gross motor skills from before birth to four years old, and the best window of opportunity to easily teach a child swimming is at this time. It is wonderful to see the two pieces of information coincide...finally! So often we have had amazing stories of our own students who have used their swim skills wisely to keep a situation from turning sad.

Happy Splashing,

Lita-Irene

How To REALLY Love A Child

Parenting is a huge slice of life: moments of joy, times of exhaustion, with everything else in between. All children follow a developmental journey that we need to understand and respect.

At La Petite Baleen we have a developmental curriculum, and it is a holistic view of children. Emotional growth is a major part of cognitive and physical growth. Some simple but elemental are incorporated so a child indeed develops all aspects of themselves in swim lessons.

Love and discipline are two sides of this coin. By creating boundaries (expectations of behavior while acknowledging feelings) your child becomes secure and happy. Knowing no matter how much he/she "loses it", we will always be a foundation and a secure haven to trust, while children explore, learn and grow in the right direction.

Children are not ready to be in charge of their choices. They are animals of action, not of adult words. The young brain is a huge ego and wants instant gratification on the outside. They need someone who can give directed, limited choices until they begin to show the ability to see how actions bring consequences. This starts happening around 7 years a of age.

Saying "NO" in a kind, firm way would be more loving than a reluctant yes or indecisive maybe. In practical terms, it is their job to test the limits while it is our job to guide them within limits. Following through with our words is crucial.

In the end, you will get through the teen years with much more grace...and end up being great adult friends.