Cornucopia Kids

It is entirely possible to remain an affluent, achieving parent and avoid raising Cornucopia Kids, but it takes a little know-how. Here are seven of the most commonly encountered parental vulnerabilities that lead to loss of parental power and untimately, the inability to parent effectiviely:

Dynamic #1: Giving as a way to avoid confrontation or rejection.
Dynamic #2: Giving "things" as a substitute for time.
Dynamic #3: Giving as a response to marital conflict.
Dynamic #4: Giving as a compensation for childhood deprivation.
Dynamic #5: Giving to compensate for puritanical parenting.
Dynamic#6: Giving as a response to community image needs.
Dynamic #7: To give is easier than to deny.

Certainly not all kids who grow up in middle-class families will become Cornucopia Kids. In fact, effective parenting , combined with the opportunity afforded by relative affluence can be a very positive effect on childrens' life skills. At all ages, Cornucopia Kids exhibit a pattern of behavior characteristics that together define this very maladaptive style of relating to work, to others and to life in general. Here are ten signs to look for.

Characterisitic #1: Your child demands only the best.
Characterisitic #2: A high need for constant stimulation is present.
Characterisitc #3: There is a consistent pattern of incompletion.
Characterisitc #4: There is a deep need for acceptance by others.
Characterisitc #5: The capacity for compassion is underdeveloped.
Characterisitc #6: A clear contempt for material things.
Characterisitc #7: Self-indulgences and excess are behavior themes.
Characterisitc #8: You see an all-to-easy deceitfulness.
Characterisitc #9: Problems with performance.
Characterisitc #10: There is a strong 'present' orientation.

No matter what their age, now is the time to begin Mastery Motivation in all your children. Healthy parenting values are perhaps the strongest possible way to do that. Here are 10 suggestions to help you instill Mastery Motivation in your children.

Motivator #1: Give your child regular work responsibilities.
Motivator #2: Refrain from giving your child so many 'freebies'.
Motivator #3: Severely limit television viewing, especially any violence.
Motivator #4: Give your child sensitivity training.
Motivator #5: Insist on completion as a personal value.
Motivator #6: Help your child deal adaptively with failure.
Motivator #7: Legitimize personal values over conformity.
Motivator #8: Make your child personally accountable.
Motivator #9: Engage your child in cooperative projects.
Motivator #10: Create clear boundaries for work.

"Character is destiny." As a responsible parent, it is your mandate to instill integrity instead of indulgence; to create character, not conformity; to build motivation rather than materialism; to demand sensitivity in lieu of selfishness. Through that process, you will grow in wisdom and your child will grow in maturity.

Bruce Baldwin, " Giving Children Too Much May be Giving Too Little"

Summer Reading

Some ‘old’ books are still good information. Here are a few ideas I have always appreciated because while times have changed, children are developmentally the same everywhere.

“Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman emphasizes that the happiest and most successful people are those who have the capacity to:

Ability to empathize

Capacity to delay gratification

Competence to contain or manage emotions

In one of my favorite authors of child-rearing, Dr. T Brazelton, observed that the difference between two outlooks (children who are confident and optimistic versus those who expect to fail) start to take shape in the first years of life. Dr Brazelton, says that ”parents need to help generate the confidence, the curiosity, the pleasure in learning and the UNDERSTANDING OF LIMITS (my caps) to help children succeed in life.

“Letters for Our Children”, edited by Erica Goode, gathered letters that adults wrote to children. These authors were parents, grandparents, step parents, friends and relatives. One in particular caught my attention........

“Dear Randy,

Soon you will leave home and go off to college. The successes that will come your way will be great fun. But the failures will be your most valuable lessons. How a person decides to handle failure has a great deal to do with everything else in his life. Some people deny that the failure was their fault. Refusing to accept consequences seems to be a national pastime.

You see Randy, successful people are successes because they know how to handle their failures. You must learn to handle failure too.

DON’T FLUNK FAILURE!

Your stepdad, Skipper”

Let’s help our children learn the same; face our fears, face our consequences and thrive .

Swimcerely, Irene