Kicking and Screaming

Hello, my name is Teacher Shannon and I have been working at our Half Moon Bay location for almost 15 years now, observing and swimming with many children. I have enjoyed every second of it and love to watch how children evolve over time in their experiences at our school. One of my favorite things to do is to help a fearful child learn to love the water. In doing this, there is always that fine line of knowing how much to push and when to hold them and give them that loving hug. I learned from Irene that children are a "different kid" each day as they are growing and navigating through their childhood. With this, I have also learned that parents do know their kid best.

My husband and I have one daughter, Ellie, who will be 13 years old at the end of this month. Ellie has been involved in after school sports and has been out of the pool for almost a year. We had a deal that once basketball season ended, she would head back to the pool and join the swim team again. Well...as Irene says, "They are a different kid each day", and I learned that it still applies to 12 year olds. When the day came for Ellie to head back to the outdoor pool in the middle of January (I am not that mean, the pool is heated), she was a different kid! She did not want to go and had every excuse in the book.

I asked the people in my life that love to swim for their opinions. I got all sorts of answers from "Don't push her" to "Make her do it"! I had to sit and think about my next step...Do I make her do it because as a teacher and a mom, I know all the health benefits of swimming? I know that the year she swam year-round she never caught pneumonia, which was usually a yearly illness of her's, (Ellie was born premature and her pediatrician has always recommended swimming to strengthen her lungs).

Well, I had to sit and take my own advice, "You know her best". Anytime Ellie wants to start something new, she can be slow to warm up or have fears until she actually does it. As a parent, knowing where that fine line is from pushing too hard and challenging your children to do things that they are not wanting to do, can be hard to see. I had flashes of my husband and I "making" her go down the water slide, kicking and screaming, only to have her come up with a huge smile asking to do it again. Or the time we "made" her get on Tower of Terror in Disneyland, scared out of her whits, and afterward we had to ride it six times in a row, she loved it so much!

So, as you can guess, although Ellie didn't want to go to swim team practice, the girl that got out of the car not wanting to go, was the happy kid swimming a beautiful freestyle ten minutes later. I know my child...but she can be a different kid every day .

ABC & D of Nurturing Your Kids

This Summer I went with my daughter Liesl and her family to Mt Hermon. While the kids all were having a blast with their counselors, we adults heard lectures. This one resonated with me and I wanted to share it with you.

There is a challenge of keeping the many areas of our kids' lives on the radar screen so that we can help guide them into becoming healthy adults in every possible way. Here is an easy way to remember the ABC & D approach to nurturing your kids.

A. Affirmation

An affirmed child is a secure and confident child. Most often, the difference between kids who make it and kids who don't is one caring adult. Even if you struggle with your teenager, believe in them! Most teens suffer from low self-esteem, and I almost always see this in cases where teens struggle with their parents. Kids with low self-esteem tend to become irresponsible. They make poor decisions socially, in regards to drugs and sexuality, and academically. Parents can make a huge difference in helping their teens to become responsible by affirming them, praising them and believing (even in the midst of struggle) in the person they can become.

B. Blameless Love

Kids are going to mess up at times--it's part of their 'job' description. When they do, they don't need to be condemned by their parents. Rather, they need to know they'll be loved and accepted (although they'll have to live with the consequences of their actions, of course!).

C. Connectedness

Kids need to feel connected to their parents. Your children regard your presence as a sign of caring and connectedness (even when they don't seem to do so!). You don't have to be present with your kids 24/7, but your presence gives them a greater sense of security than almost anything else you can offer them.

D. Discipline

Clearly expressed expectations and consistent follow-through produce responsible kids. The purpose of parental discipline is to teach responsibility. Unfortunately, for many of us parents, our primary objective is evoking obedience instead. And, to be perfectly honest, most of us try to do the "discipline thing" when we're upset, tired or frustrated....really in no shape to do so. Okay--where do we start? For one thing, recognize that good parenting involves training our children in the areas of choices and consequences. Keep that promise in mind when you are sticking to your strategy and you won't be disappointed.

When it comes to molding your childrens' lives through discipline, our kids need us always to show respect, even in the midst of tension. We can disagree with our children and still be able to communicate.

~~Jim Burns Ph.D~~

Quality Time....For Parents!

Here are several ways of making quality time for the marriage as well as helping children understand that Mom and Dad's relationship is numero uno. Single parents: These apply to you, too!

1. Don't allow children to interrupt your conversations. Make them wait their turn. preferably in another room. Say, "We'll let you know when we are finished talking." A child who simply "can't wait" probably needs five minutes of cool down time in his/her room.

2. Create a weekly "Parents' Night Out" and don't let anything except acts of God
interfere with the commitment. Every now and then, go off for a week end without the kids. They need to realize that the marriage is a separate and autonomous entity within the family with a life and needs of its own.

3. Put the children to bed early. Remember that your children's bedtime is for yor benefit. In other words, determine how much down time you need in the evening during which you have no child-rearing responsibilities and set bedtimes accordingly. Eight is late enough for pre-schoolers, and eight thirty for grade-school age. Older children should be in their rooms no later than nine, particularly on school nights.

Once the kids are in bed, reduce distractions that interfere with communication and intimacy. Agree not to do either housework or office work after the kids' bedtime. Spend this time getting back in touch with the feelings that led to your original commitment. The worst possible and least creative thing you can do is get in the habit of centering your time together in the evenings around television.

From: "The New Parent Power"..Dr John Rosemond

How To REALLY Love A Child

Parenting is a huge slice of life: moments of joy, times of exhaustion, with everything else in between. All children follow a developmental journey that we need to understand and respect.

At La Petite Baleen we have a developmental curriculum, and it is a holistic view of children. Emotional growth is a major part of cognitive and physical growth. Some simple but elemental are incorporated so a child indeed develops all aspects of themselves in swim lessons.

Love and discipline are two sides of this coin. By creating boundaries (expectations of behavior while acknowledging feelings) your child becomes secure and happy. Knowing no matter how much he/she "loses it", we will always be a foundation and a secure haven to trust, while children explore, learn and grow in the right direction.

Children are not ready to be in charge of their choices. They are animals of action, not of adult words. The young brain is a huge ego and wants instant gratification on the outside. They need someone who can give directed, limited choices until they begin to show the ability to see how actions bring consequences. This starts happening around 7 years a of age.

Saying "NO" in a kind, firm way would be more loving than a reluctant yes or indecisive maybe. In practical terms, it is their job to test the limits while it is our job to guide them within limits. Following through with our words is crucial.

In the end, you will get through the teen years with much more grace...and end up being great adult friends.